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You will obviously have your own style and sense of humour so you may wish to adapt or not use at all! Hopefully they give you a bit of food for thought for the wedding day. It has been a very emotional day …….. If there is anybody here who is feeling worried, nervous or apprehensive, your either me because I am or you just married Mark Owen. So ladies and gentlemen — I give you Mr and Mrs Owen. Take drink and sit down. Ladies and Gentlemen: you are all about to witness a unique event in history.

The very first and very last time that my wife is going to let me speak on behalf of both of us. My speech today will be like a mini-skirt. Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention! I heard there was a sweep stake on the length of the best mans speech. I just went for 35 minutes — so settle in……. But then I remembered that I was supposed to be writing a speech.

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Here are 10 of my favourite Manchester United jokes, especially for all my Mancunian comrades. A: They had pictures of Manchester United Players on them A: One in 3,, has a chance of becoming a human being. A: They’re both of bugger-all use in Europe. He would swerve to hit them and there would be a loud “THUMP” and then he would swerve back on the road.

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An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar. The Englishman wanted to go so they all had to leave. RRFB sonofr September 8, Good to see bookshops getting involved. PeoplesVoteMarch pic. Why do we need any colour passport? Less of your nonsense!

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Everyone goes a little bit off the rails sometimes. We all have those moments when our brains go a little on the loopy side and we find ourselves acting nuttier than a snickers bar. For some Hollywood celebrities, it seems that the gift of success can be the strain that occasionally tips them over the edge. Here at The Trending Buzz, we aim to give you an insight into some of the downright insane celebrity behaviour that you might not have known about. However, it would seem that his talent for playing strange characters comes from somewhere deep within, as it has become evident over time that Walken is absolutely obsessed with cats.

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Q: Why do vegans give good head? A: Because they are used to eating nuts. Q: Why are all lesbians vegetarian? A: Because they don’t eat meat. Q: What do you call a vegan guy who likes to pleasure himself? A: A non-dairy creamer. A: They’re Both Meat Substitutes! Q: What do yo call a vegan post-punk band? A: Soy Division. Q: What did Cher say to the vegan? A: I Got Tofu babe.

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What do you call a blind dinosaur? How did Ray Charles meet his wife? Blind date. Why don’t blind people skydive? It scares the heck out of the dog. What did the blind man say after being handed a cheese grater?

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